


Here and Where You Are

by infinitegalaxies



Series: Firecracker Feels [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ben is 18, Best Friends, Bisexuality, Bonfires, Camping, Christmas, College, Cunnilingus, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Dom!Kylo, Dorm Sex, Dumb Babies, Emotions, Explicit Consent, F/M, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Female Friendship, Fingering, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Girlfriends - Freeform, Happily Ever After, Harvard, High School, Holidays, Homosexuality, Lack of Communication, Librarian - Freeform, Librarian Roleplay, Library Sex, Loss of Virginity, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, New Year's Eve, No Pregnancy, Oral Sex, Orgasm Control, Outdoor Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Princeton, Public Sex, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Rey is 18, Rites of Passage, Romance, Smut, Summer, Thanksgiving, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Sex, Valentine's Day, angsty sex, capers, relationships, sad sex, schemes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23940649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitegalaxies/pseuds/infinitegalaxies
Summary: After a whirlwind summer romance with Ben, Rey is headed home from college for Thanksgiving Break. Though they both agreed it was best to make a clean break, Rey can’t help miss her summer fling. So why not invite him over for Thanksgiving, you know, as a friend? It’s not like anyone’s developingfeelings, or anything!It’s the angsty sequel toFirecracker…Here and Where you Are.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Beaumont Kin, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Firecracker Feels [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725838
Comments: 98
Kudos: 169
Collections: ReylOlds





	1. Soft and Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> You all made me feel so loved with your response to Firecracker I was inspired to write a sequel one-shot, and somehow it turned into 7 chapters of smut, angst, and fluff. 
> 
> Thank you for reading along and caring as much about these sweet little babies as I do. It's going to get pretty angsty but I promise you it will be worth it in the end!
> 
> Shoutout to my ride-or-die beta [Venetum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venetum)!

**November 2019**

Rey looked out as the New Jersey Turnpike blurred past the bus window. She was snuggled under a throw blanket in the window seat with her iPad queued up to watch _Knives Out_ and was just settling in for a four hour drive from Boston back to Jersey for Thanksgiving break.

Rey felt a mix of excitement and trepidation at returning home. Namely due to one young Ben Solo. She stifled a laugh as she remembered how she had propositioned him with a popsicle while he hid his boner under a picnic table. It had worked like a charm: Solo did indeed join her at the lake. She remembered big, warm hands encircling her waist. How he started the night as a nervous boy, and how she had made him a man. But it wasn’t just that. They spent the rest of the summer going at it every chance they got. They watched movies together, rode bikes, and spent long lazy afternoons at the lake floating in big goofy floaties shaped like unicorns and slices of pizza. The last time she saw Ben she didn’t even know it would be the last time. The day she left town, she texted him goodbye and he responded hours later with a cryptic “See you around, kid.” 

Before she knew it she was heading North in a packed U-Haul and leaving everything she knew and loved behind for the start of something new. Leaving Ben and the rest of her friends behind had been hard, but Rey was too anxious and eager to start college to give it much thought. She shoved down her sadness and focused on her exciting new life.

  
Her first semester at college had been a blur of New Student Orientation, making new friends, adjusting to her new party schedule and, oh yeah, being a straight-A student. She was grateful her grueling double major in mechanical engineering and management included coma nap breaks each afternoon. But who knew the weekend could start on Wednesday? Her new friends Jyn and Cassian were a blast, and spent equal amounts of time pounding plastic handles of cheap vodka and holding study sessions in the dorm lounge. 

Despite all the fun she was having, she was eager to see her ride-or-dies back at home. She wanted to be back with people who really knew her. Or at least, one particular person who did. 

* * *

**July 2019**

Rey DM’ed Solo’s snarky little red-headed friend on her way to the lake with Rose, Finn, Poe, Jannah and Kaydel. 

_8:10: Rey: Meet us at the campground at 8:30. Drive to the north side of the lake. Park by the boat house and take the path to lot C. Bring booze, or weed, or hot dogs or something, cool?_

_8:12: ..._

_8:13: Hux: Yea, hot dogs - got it._

_8:13: Rey: Oh, and my friend Poe thinks you’re cute. I showed him your feed. Nice cat._

_8:15: Hux: Read 8:15_

Rey and her friends all hopped in Rose’s hoopty: a Jeep Wagoneer with the wood paneling on the side. They piled their inner tubes and camping supplies in the back. They always spent the night in any one of their crappy tents (whichever one didn’t have sex currently happening in it).

Rey was still a virgin, but was determined to have that not be the case come morning. She had always wondered who it would be and how it would feel. Knowing now that it was going to be shy Ben Solo, who looked at her like the entire solar system revolved around her, had made her feel drunk with power. If she could unravel him with a popsicle, imagine what it’d be like when she gave him the real thing. 

Ben and Hux had arrived exactly on time, like nerds, but Ben couldn’t imagine a world in which he would delay seeing Rey again, in any context, for any reason. With very little protest, Hux had procured the tube steaks, but had also insisted on buying artisanal ketchup, stone-ground mustard and brioche buns. He may or may not have noticed that Poe’s Instagram posts consisted of artfully arranged food porn. Ben begrudgingly paid for half from his meager summer job earnings (mowing lawns for thirsty neighborhood moms).

Rey, who totally had not been watching the treeline since they had arrived, busied herself with setting up a tent and gave death glares to anyone who attempted to put their stuff near it. She jumped when she saw a sasquatch-like silhouette emerge from the darkness on the edge of their camp. The fire was burning brightly, gradually illuminating his muscular form as he came into view. Rey sucked in a breath as she noted his long lean legs in well-fitted dark jeans, a worn but cozy heather gray hoodie with white strings over a black t-shirt, and one large hand holding what looked like two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 like they were salt shakers.

Hux wasn’t far behind, wearing tailored navy blue pants, a long sleeved blue and white plaid button down shirt, and white boat shoes. He started to follow Ben to where Rey was standing but quickly thought better of it. Instead, he put on a brave face, and went to introduce himself to the circle containing one Poe Hot-Dameron.

“Is that Stonewall Kitchen mustard? That is my fucking favorite!” Poe squealed as he put an arm around Hux’s shoulders. “Girls, meet my mysterious new love interest. Hux, meet the girls.”

Twenty feet away, on the other side of the bonfire, in another galaxy:

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Rey dropped the pesky tent poles she was unsuccessfully cramming into a too-small sleeve and moved to close the distance between them as quickly as possible. Instead, she tripped on a pile of ground stakes, landing in Ben’s open arms.

“Are you alright?” He almost whispered, in awe at being this close to her face, and somehow this-close to touching her butt.

“Yes,” she said, her cheeks flushed as she steadied herself with a hand on his solid forearm. 

_Remember: you are seducing him,_ she thought, remembering the few articles she had perused that afternoon with titles like “ _How to be a Boss Bitch in Bed_ ,” and “ _Multiple Orgasms are your Right_.”

“You can put the booze over there. We brought a cooler with some ice. That’s an interesting choice of beverage, Solo,” she pointed at the neon-colored beverages.

“Yeah, well I figured you might like something sweet. You know, since you like popsicles so much.”

She gulped. How could such innocent words light such a fire in her entire body?

“You’re right. Let’s start drinking, then! I’ll introduce you to my friends.”

After they had polished off half a bottle of neon blue raspberry wine, Rey was feeling bold and invited Ben for a walk down by the lake. Rose, Kaydel, and Jannah all gave her “the nod” as they headed down the path away from the group. It meant they would have her back and prevent anyone from following. 

Rey grasped a large beach blanket to her chest as they followed the twig and rock strewn path to the lake’s edge. They headed round a small bend past the boathouse, out of sight of the group. The lake was eerily quiet, but that was the beauty of camping on weeknights away from the crowds of families and dudebros who descended on the weekends.

“Let me help you with that.” Ben offered to grab a corner of the blanket as Rey began to spread it out on the ground. Rey smiled and obliged. With shaky fingers, they both laid down the edges, bowing and mirroring each other as the blanket wafted to the ground. 

They sat next to each other, with a little distance between them, both unsure of what to do next. Without the lifeguard uniform and her giant sunglasses to empower her, she suddenly felt a little small and vulnerable next to this hulking beast of a teenage boy-man. She was a few months older than him, but they were both eighteen. He also seemed intelligent in a quiet way—like he was an old soul, wise beyond his years.

“Beautiful stars out here,” he remarked. “I don’t really go camping much. Always been more of an indoor kid.”

“Yeah totally, I get what you mean. I didn’t really start until I met this bunch. Basically, it’s the only way we can have any fun without getting caught in this little town.”

“I totally get it! My mom is kind of on me like a hawk. She’s a politician, so we have a reputation to uphold.”

“Wait, who’s your mom?”

Ben closed his eyes for a moment. He should have kept his mouth shut. 

“Leia Organa.”

“The… mayor? I’m about to deflower the mayor’s son.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

_Shit, I said that out loud._

“I… uh. Shit. ”

“I heard you.” His eyes darkened. “I kind of figured that’s why you brought me down here, but part of me is worried it’s too good to be true. I mean, look at you.”

He reached up to push a lock of hair behind her ear. Her hair was loose and flowing over her shoulders. It looked air-dried. Wild. Free.

She blushed and looked down. The feeling of his fingers on her skin was electric. His hand lingered at her cheek and ghosted over her jaw, landing at the base of her throat. 

Ben felt… bold for the first time in his life. Knowing she wanted him—that she had asked him here. _That fucking popsicle._ He had never imagined in a million years that he would ever have this opportunity. Staring at the back of her head in Chem lab for a semester had been torture. But good things were worth waiting for.

“Ben.” She leaned in and reached for his face to pull him in for a kiss. There was no pretending. She wanted this as badly as he did. Whether she was in control or he was no longer mattered to her at this point. He felt like her equal.

Their lips met tentatively, at first. He stroked at her neck with his long fingers, moving to fist into her hair as they pressed together. Her hands brushed his face tenderly, holding on to him as if he might suddenly vanish and this would all be a dream. 

She parted her lips as an invitation and his tongue dipped into her mouth as a test before meeting hers in a slow, sensual dance. He could do this for hours. Just this, and it would be perfect. A perfect moment he could tuck away for whenever he felt lonely for the rest of his life. 

They picked up their pace. Ben suddenly remembered he had a penis as it became unbearably hard and constricted in his fitted jeans. He squirmed a bit on the blanket, eager to readjust himself and get some breathing room. Rey followed his lead, getting up on her knees. Neither of them broke away, and now they were both raised up on their knees, kissing frantically. Ben’s hands traced down her back, stopping at her waist, heavy and hot. Rey’s fingers moved to the zipper of his hoodie. She wanted more of him—more closeness. She wanted to see what was underneath and feel it under her hands.

He shuddered as the zipper came down and she smoothed her hands underneath his hoodie to pull it down over his shoulders. She brought her hands back over his chest as they continued to lick hotly at each other’s mouths. 

Rey broke away. “I want you to know that I’ve never done this before, but I have never been more sure of anything in my life than that I want to, specifically with you.”

Ben stared at her like he always did: like she was his north star. “I want what you want. But… I don’t have any… condoms. I’m sorry I’m not that smooth I…”

She placed a slender finger over his plush lips to shush him and pulled out two condoms from her back pocket.

“I’m like a girl scout, I’m always prepared.”

Ben’s cock responded eagerly—this was really going to happen. 

They resumed their passionate kissing, this time with Rey pulling her sweatshirt over her head to reveal a lacy black camisole and to his delight, no bra. The air was cool but they were both burning up with desire. 

“Should I?” He said, reaching to lift the hem of his t-shirt.

“Yes, definitely I think that would be very nice,” Rey hastily replied, eager to lay eyes on as much of him as possible. She stared hungrily at the swath of skin leading into his pants as he whipped his shirt up over his head. She took in his delicious abs, his broad muscular chest and looked up into his hungry eyes. 

“As I suspected, very nice.” She ran her hands all down his torso and pulled him in for another greedy kiss before pulling off her own top. 

Ben froze. She was absolutely stunning. 

“You are also looking very… nice,” was all he could muster as he took in the gorgeous sight of her, almost naked before him. It was better than he had ever imagined.

“I want you to touch me, Ben.” 

She grabbed his giant paws and placed them over her breasts, relishing the heat of them. He took her lead and squeezed, massaging each one before taking them into his mouth. Rey whimpered at the delicious sensation at his hot mouth on her. He licked and sucked, and was soon peppering kisses all over her chest and neck. 

“You’re so beautiful, gorgeous. I want you so bad.”

That powerful feeling returned. 

“Lay down,” she ordered. She wanted to make him crumble beneath her. 

He hastily complied, leaning back on his elbows as she made quick work of his zipper. 

“Hey, ho whoa, okay,” he stammered, but Rey would not be deterred. 

“Shh, I’m going to take care of you, Ben, and then I want you to do the same for me.”

  
Ben also may have spent the afternoon perusing such articles as “ _How to not blow your load in five seconds_ ,” and “ _How to make her scream_.” He felt somewhat prepared, at least academically, but he was still fairly terrified. 

“Okay,” he said in a fucking _dorky_ voice. He closed his eyes and decided to let it happen. He trusted her. He would do anything she wanted.

She pulled down his waistband and his cock landed with a heavy smack against his toned stomach. It was beautiful. She hadn’t really looked at any penises so closely in her previous endeavors, mostly just grabbing for them in the dark and not having had to try very hard to make them happy. But tonight, on this, the occasion of their mutual deflowering, she was determined to fulfill her fantasy of being Ben’s ultimate sex goddess. He made her feel like she could do anything.

She grabbed him firmly in one hand and looked him in the eye as she licked a bead of precum from the tip. He groaned in response, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. _Think of the freckles… Red hair... Pasty white skin. Annoying asshole._ It worked better than he thought, at least for a moment.

Rey made quick work of taking in as much of him in as she could without gagging, and alternated between sucking and licking from base to tip, making sure to stare at his face the whole time, like Cosmo had advised. She started to twist her hand at the base, causing him to abruptly fold in his body and push her away.

“Oooohkay, I think that’s enough for now.”

“Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry if I…”

“What?” It came out a little high pitched for his liking.“No, no, no,” he said as he ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms. “It’s just that I’m not going to last very long if you keep doing that. You’re extremely talented in this area.”

Rey beamed with pride. Sex goddess level achieved.

“Okay then, tiger, I guess that makes it my turn.”

She leaned back on the blanket and stared up at him through her lashes. He took her in, laying there with her soft, beautiful breasts on display, still a little wet from his mouth. He got up on his knees and reached for the buttons on her jean shorts. She lifted her hips to allow him to slip them off of her, revealing a lacy black thong. 

He failed to hide his surprise as his eyes widened. He didn’t know what he expected but she continued to amaze him. 

“Can I take these off too?” He asked with hooded eyes as he hooked a finger over the edge of the waist band. 

He ran a single finger down the front of her mound. He felt her heat and a hint of the wetness beneath the fabric and Rey shivered in response.

“Up to you, cowboy,” she said. “I wore them for you.” 

He leaned down immediately to lick up her seam through the lace fabric, breathing in the intoxicating scent of her. He tucked a finger and pulled them to the side to take in the sight of her.

“You are so pretty. Your face, your tits, this pretty pussy of yours. So pretty, everywhere.”

She smiled and basked in his adoration, gasping a moment later as his tongue dove into her folds. Unable to get enough, he hooked his fingers on both sides of her panties and yanked them all the way off. He spread her legs apart with both hands and then dove in again, kissing her deeply, laving at her folds, spreading her wide and dipping his tongue as far in as it would go before coming up to crest over her sensitive bud. 

Rey couldn’t help but wail with pleasure. No other boy had made her come before, and she had mostly figured it out herself with her own hand. But it was never like this. It shot through her core like a molten lightning bolt, singeing everything in its path. He sucked on her clit deeply, and her whole body clenched before opening back up and exploding with the force of her climax. He licked her through the final pulses, groaning at the taste of her. He had never done this before, but he would try to do it as many times as he possibly could before she left.

He rose up over her, moving to kiss her up the column of her neck and cupping her jaw to bring her in for a deep, sensual kiss. 

  
“How did I do?” 

“Mmm. Yes,” she whimpered. “You’re also, like, really talented.”

They both laughed and kissed some more before she stopped him with a serious look.

“Let’s do this Solo. I want you inside me. Immediately.”

He almost came on the spot right then and there, but by some miracle, he held it together. She placed a foil-wrapped condom in his palm as if he knew what to do. Remembering his most recent sex-ed class, he was grateful for the one-time humilation of having to put one on a banana with Hux of all people as his partner. That had been a super fun day.

At least it was now seared in his memory so he could be ready for this life-defining moment.

He carefully tore the wrapper, remembering how fragile these things could be. He tested the tip and placed it on his head and stroked it down slowly, not wanting to excite himself too much. 

  
Rey watched eagerly, not able to take her eyes of the giant monster dong she was supposedly going to take in. 

“I’m not going to lie, Solo, I’m a little frightened of that thing.”

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll take it slowwww,” he said jokingly in a near dead-on impersonation of a goofy R&B song that always seemed to be playing on the radio.

She loved this—how he made her laugh so she wouldn’t be nervous. How he made her feel both terrifyingly powerful and extremely vulnerable at the same time, but most importantly in a way that she still felt _safe._

Never in her life had a popsicle been such a perfect game-time snack bar decision.

He lined himself up with her entrance, looking her in the eye one last time. “Are you ready?”

“I’m ready, Ben,” she replied.

He slowly pushed himself inside, swirling his head in a circle before moving further in, gathering the wetness of her cum to help ease the way. He pulled back and forth a little bit, taking her sweet little whimpers as a sign it felt either really good or really bad.

“Do you feel okay? Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s just a... stretch. I’m okay.”

“Okay.” He continued, hitting what felt like a little barrier. They kept their eye contact and she nodded, giving him permission to push all the way in. He groaned and she whimpered again.

“You feel so good, Rey. You feel… perfect, like you were made to fit me.”

“It’s good Ben, I want you to move, please.” 

It made her nervous to be stretched like this by him, to be so _full_ , but the pleasure and connection she felt overcame the discomfort. She wanted this more than she had ever wanted anything with another human. She hoped that it would happen again, and soon.

He started to tentatively give shallow thrusts, relishing the pull of her walls on him as he moved in and out. He picked up the pace, thankful for the condom that kept him a bit in check. It just felt so good.

“Ben, I love it, keep going, a little harder.” 

He happily followed her orders. “Fuck, Rey, I’m going to come.”

“I want you to—please.” 

He reached down to find her clit once more and somehow managed to stay upright as he continued his thrusts. He already felt like her lover. He could already tell what she liked, and that if they weren’t currently outside next to a public lake, he could really make her scream. All he had to do is watch her and listen, and keep doing whatever made her make _those_ sounds. It was like a drug. 

He rubbed firm circles on to her clit as he pumped into her, starting to lose his control. 

“Come, Rey, I want to feel it on my cock. You’re so beautiful Rey, you’re so…” 

She pulsed hard around him as she came, sending him right over his own threshold of bliss. His hips stuttered as he pumped into her, and he finally relaxed into an exhausted heap on top of her.

“Solo, you’re going to crush me, you big tree,” she grimaced as the air slowly left her lungs.

“Yeah, oh God, sorry.” He rolled off of her onto his back, settling next to her. He looked up at the stars, and then over at Rey. They smiled at each other and laughed. 

“Congrats young Solo, you’re a man now.”

“And you are a woman. The woman. The woman to end all other women. I...” He stopped himself. _Do not say I love you, even if it’s the fucking truth._

She kissed him tenderly, and immediately felt the need to retreat. It was too much, somehow, this feeling in this moment. Rey, Sex GoddessTM, suddenly felt too vulnerable. _Don’t say I love you. You are leaving. Everyone leaves._

“I’m freezing!” She quickly put her camisole and pullover back on. “Let’s get back to camp, I heard Hux brought curried ketchup and that is my absolute favorite.” 

“Rey.” He grabbed her chin and kissed her one more time. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sexy.” She winked and pulled the blanket up from beneath him, rolling him onto the grass. 

“Let’s go before they eat everything!”

Ben stood up and draped the blanket over her shoulders and savored one last gentle kiss. He threw his shirt and hoodie back on and they returned to camp hand in hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those are some nice emotions you have there - shame if something were to HAPPEN to them.
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) and [Tumblr](https://tumblr.com/users/xinfinitegalaxiesx).
> 
> Thank you for reading! Expect regular updates!


	2. What am I to you now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipP9r15-XVwcA2c40s52DNtb58W39nVvxtFP6liKpIwBnh02SwPMdGtuA1pdJvyz-Q?key=VmZ5UnFrZF9GR3lMR2dtRF9aUUhKTHVSSmRVaHF3&source=ctrlq.org)
> 
> Ben gives into Rey, as he is wont to do, but how much can one man take?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this brief plot interlude before we go right back into the smutty smut.
> 
> Shoutout to the best beta [Venetum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venetum)!

**November 2019**

The bus pulled into the station and Rey could already see her Granny Maz waiting for her by her station wagon, with a cute little sign that read “Welcome home Rey of Sunshine!” in large gold glitter letters. Grampy Chewy stood stoically next to her with his hands in his cardigan pockets, probably fiddling for a Werther’s Original hard candy. 

They had taken her in as a baby, when her teenage parents had decided they’d rather bum around Europe touring for their folk band than bite the bullet and, you know, stick around and maybe even love her. Lucky for Rey, Granny and Grampy’s love knew no limits. She was excited to come home for a nice Thanksgiving feast.

Rey’s mind wandered back to Ben Solo. They had exchanged numbers but decided it was for the best not to try and pursue anything further with the distance. He texted her a few times, but she had gotten busy. But coming back home and being here suddenly felt a little empty without him. On the way home she pulled out her phone and bravely decided to text him.

6:15 PM: Honey, I’m home

6:17 PM: Hey, Rey. Welcome back.

6:19 PM: Are you busy tonight? Crew is heading to the woods for a lil party. Nothing crazy. We all gotta be home in the morning to peel potatoes and shit ya know

6:19: ….

6:21: Sure. Drop me a pin.

Ben wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. After the lake they had hooked up a few more times. He never imagined he would love camping so much. He had had two months of bliss; it had taken all his strength not to tear his own heart out so he could give it to her as a goodbye gift.

He wanted her to start college without being any sort of burden on her. But letting her go hurt like hell. In fact, it had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done, even though he knew deep down it was for the best. Chem class felt empty without her sitting in the chair in front of him. He passed by her locker in the hall and couldn’t help but run his hand over it. She had texted him a few more times after she left, but he just felt like he would bum her out if all he could say was he missed her. 

It was better to let her go be free and enjoy college. It never occurred to him she’d be back every holiday. He hadn’t let himself dream of it. The hope hurt too much.

Ben headed to the lake, this time alone. Hux, who couldn’t bear another sad Budweiser and rotisserie chicken Thanksgiving with his shitty dad, was instead visiting Poe in Providence, Rhode Island, where Poe was attending Brown University. Ben expected to hear of wedding plans any day now.

He parked at the edge of the forest near the trail gate and followed the sounds of laughter and clinking bottles to a clearing with a large bonfire in the center. He scanned the crowd and quickly found Rey and her friends seated on a grouping of fallen logs, sipping at tepid solo cups of keg beer.

Rey looked breathtaking, even in an oversized Harvard sweatshirt and a burgundy knit cap with a giant pom-pom on top. She sported artfully ripped jeans and black moto boots. 

Ben pulled his hands out of his peacoat pockets, which he hadn’t realized he had been so aggressively digging them into. He was so fucking nervous.  _ What am I to her now? Why am I even here? _

Rey stood up to greet him before he reached the group.

“Hey,” she said, giving him a gentle punch to his bicep.

“Hey,” he said, mockingly returning the gesture.

“I’m glad you came,” she said. “Wanna go for a walk?”   


Ben smiled at her friends who waved politely. He waited a beat for the “sex nod” but didn’t see one.  _ Maybe that’s not what this is. Maybe it’s better this way. _

Rey grasped his hand tentatively. He tensed up for a bit before giving in and letting her lace her tiny fingers in between his giant ones. 

“There’s a little path to a stream and a bench nearby.”

They sat down next to each other on the bench and Rey proffered her cup.

“Fancy a fine vintage Natté Iceé?” 

“Ah yes, 2019, a very good year,” he returned the joke. “I’m fine.”

Rey took a sip to relieve her nervousness. 

“I missed you,” she said, turning her body to face him. 

They locked eyes. The moon was full and her eyes looked like little dark pools. He could sink down into them and never come out.

“Rey, I…”  _ What is this feeling? _ What Ben felt in that moment was not anger and not quite sadness, but longing.

She leaned in to kiss him and he caved immediately. His brain might be screaming “Run from the pain!” but his body responded to her instinctively. 

They knew each other well enough that there was no timidness between them even if they both felt scared and confused inside. 

He pulled away. “Rey, I don’t think I want to fuck you on this bench.” 

“Ben that’s not why I brought you here, I…”

“Then what, Rey? Why am I here?”

“Can we go somewhere? Somewhere warm?”

He sighed and looked down at his feet. At the very least he would get her home safe.

He turned to look at her, finding her staring at him expectantly. Hopeful. “Fine, let’s go.”

They walked to his car in silence. 

He turned the key in the ignition. “Where to, milady?” He meant it as a joke but the mirth died on his tongue. 

"What are your plans tomorrow, Ben?”

He laughed, but it had a tinge of sadness to it. “Mom’s doing her big turkey pardon thing tomorrow. I’m kind of over the forced merriment. Probably just gonna play video games and have a frozen dinner or something.”

“Ben, that’s awful.  _ Please _ come to Granny and Grampy’s—to  _ my _ house. Granny would absolutely love to see you.”   
  
“You want me to spend  _ Thanksgiving _ with you?” He looked at her eagerly.

“Yes. Fuck yes. Let’s do it. I won’t take no for an answer.”

They were already in front of her house. He didn’t try to kiss her again, and popped the door locks so she could get out. Rey looked at him tentatively and then took the hint and jumped out of the car. She turned around and leaned back down to peer at him before shutting the door.

“Be here tomorrow by 3:00 PM. Bring... You know what, just bring yourself.”

_ Fuck. This is probably a bad idea. _

Ben took a deep breath and turned to her expectant face hovering in the doorway. 

“Okay Rey, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) and [Tumblr](https://tumblr.com/users/xinfinitegalaxiesx).
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. I'll Give You Something to Gobble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipONm3ZM-5fwlurqpkC0kwSBFsi_tRPIPm8Ep8fOaYvgGmkIrMCCivPgAKXqIeiJlg?key=ZkFDSEhuZEhWc190U1NaMzY0ODBrMDE4TzBZdUN3&source=ctrlq.org)  
> 
> 
>   
> Ben: "I am ready to get hurt again."
> 
> Rey: "Ooh, donuts."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what's this? Another chapter of smut so soon? Oh, I wasn't expecting this it all... But fair warning, this is porn with FEELINGS. I may have made myself cry with this one. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE!
> 
> Shoutout to my ride-or-die beta [Venetum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venetum)!

Ben pulled up to Rey’s house and put his car in park. He wiped his sweaty palms on his khaki pants and smoothed his hair as he peered at himself in the rearview mirror.

He looked calm on the outside, but on the inside he was a raging sea of emotions. 

_What does this mean? Should I even dare to dream that this could be something more?_

He had returned home the night before, confused and horny and let himself have it as he imagined their hot summer memories. It wasn’t just the fact that he got to fuck her in every position known to man in every secret corner around the lake; it was that they were inseparable. He’d lost more than his virginity to her—he’d given her his whole goddamned heart. After she left for college, he got drunk enough to kiss a nice girl from his calculus class at a party. The kiss lasted all of two seconds before he bolted to the bathroom to puke his guts out. Hux held his hair and then quickly got him out of there, pretending he didn’t see Ben cry in the passenger seat as he drove him home.

Ben continued to sit in his car, lost in thought. What did he expect, that she’d give up going to Harvard because of _him_? After he graduated next year, Ben planned to stay local to attend Princeton on a legacy scholarship, even further reducing the chance that he and Rey might get together. He had no ambition to follow his mother into politics, but she at least insisted that he get a good degree so he could do... whatever it was that he would someday figure out he wanted to do with his life. 

He steeled himself and grabbed a bouquet of autumn flowers and a box of cider donuts from his favorite farmer’s market, heading to the front door. He rang the bell with a trembling finger and waited with his heart pounding in his ears.

Rey arrived at the door seconds later—breathless, as if she had ran to greet him.

“Hey there, Solo,” she grinned. “Are those for me?” 

“Uh, these? Actually the flowers are for Granny for the table, my mom said…”

“Not those you dummy, the _donuts_. Let’s hide them.” 

She snatched the package and left him standing in the doorway, and bopped to the kitchen to hide her new stash. The way to Rey’s heart was definitely through baked goods and she did _not_ like to share.

He followed closely behind her, not sure where to go or where to stand, when he was accosted by Granny Maz.

“Flowers? For me? Oh, Ben, you shouldn’t have you darling boy. _Actually,_ you definitely should have. Look at you knowing how to treat a woman right,” she said with a slightly suggestive smirk. Granny Maz was a pistol.

“Anything for you, Granny.”

“Okay enough flirting! Now go help Rey finish folding the napkins, and do me a favor, baste the turkey while you're in there, won’t you dear? That’s a good boy.” 

Ben smiled as Granny put her feet up and rounded the corner into the kitchen where Rey was attempting to make cloth napkin swans and failing miserably.

“I’m partial to the humble rectangle fold, myself. Classic, never goes out of style.”

“Gah, _ten_ YouTube tutorials and I still can’t get it. Rectangles it is!”

Rey paused her folding frenzy to take him in. He was dressed in a deep burgundy and black buffalo plaid shirt, dark khakis and burgundy Vans sneakers. He wore a black leather jacket over his signature hoodie. His hair had grown longer and covered his ears, curling seductively at his neck. His jaw had filled out and his lips were as pillowy as ever. The whole look had her thinking _thoughts._ Maybe he should stop looking so fucking delicious or she might try to have him for dessert instead. 

But was it right to seduce him when she would just be leaving again? They had had the sweetest summer and he would always be the boy who took her virginity. Their time together made her last few weeks at home so special, and she would treasure that time always. 

If she could have packed him in her suitcase she would have. But it was just not fair to string him along if she was just going to leave him behind. Inviting him here was a questionable move at best, but she couldn’t stand the thought of him spending the holiday all by himself. Maybe they could still be friends. 

“Follow me. Time to set the table,” Rey commanded, shaking off her thirsty thoughts.

Ben did as he was told, carrying a stack of plates and silverware and following Rey to the dimly lit dining room, where candles flickered on the table. It was so warm and inviting and cozy—nothing like the dark halls and echoing empty rooms of his mother’s house. This was a _home._

He laid out the plates, half paying attention to their placement, half taking in Rey as she flitted around the table like a little sprite, gingerly placing her carefully folded creations.

“Rectangles were definitely the right choice. Very symmetrical,” he joked.

“This is looking pretty, pret-ty good, wouldn’t you say, Benjamin?” 

She met his eyes and for what felt like eternity they just smiled and looked at each other. 

Rey broke the spell and busied herself with the napkins again, not wanting to go on the path those honey-brown eyes were leading her down.

Ben finished carefully arranging the forks, spoons and knives, grateful his mom had taught him proper dinner party decorum. He learned it as soon as he could see over the edge of the table. 

They shared a friendly meal with Granny and Grampy and the conversation centered on their studies, their underpaid student jobs and their career ambitions. Ben was grateful no one actually seemed invested in or judgmental of his answers. They just seemed to really care how he was doing and whether he was _happy_. It was nice. _Don’t get used to it._

Rey volunteered them to clean up so Granny and Grampy could relax and put their feet up after cooking all day. 

“You wash, I’ll dry, sound good Ben?” Rey asked expectantly. 

“Yeah, let’s do this” he agreed, a bit pathetically eager to be alone with her again. 

He washed and she dried in companionable silence. Rey couldn’t help but notice his arms flexing in his fitted shirts or how tenderly he handled the silverware as he wiped it clean with the sponge.

“So, Ben,” Rey started softly.

“Yeah?” He said dropping a dish with a loud clunk as he turned to face her. _Clumsy motherfucker._

“I… I think I need your help putting the… turkey pan back in the pantry.”

“You need my help with that? Like is it heavy, or something?” 

Rey raised her eyebrows and placed her hand on his forearm. _Oh._

“Yes, why don’t you grab the _turkey pan_ and follow me, Ben. The closet’s just down the hall.”

Ben wiped his hands on a dish towel and smoothed the front of his button down, trying to ascertain whether or not he was visibly hard yet. _All clear._

“Uh yeah, right. Right behind you.” 

She walked towards the hall towards the living room where Granny and Grampy were fast asleep on the couch, holding hands and snoring gently and loudly, respectively.

Rey peered back at him and put her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle, grabbing his free hand to pull him down the hall towards her room. Ben continued to cradle the oversized turkey pan awkwardly in his other arm.

She opened the door to her bedroom and led him inside where he stood nervously, cradling the pan like it was a large, oddly shaped baby. 

“I think you can give up the ruse now, Solo, feel free to drop that on my desk.”

“Yeah, sure, the coast is clear. Right.” 

He leaned down over the desk and placed it down gently so as not to make any noise, and stood straight up again, not sure what to do with his hands.

Rey moved swiftly into his space, staring up at him with expectant, hooded eyes. 

“Rey, I…”

She reached up to lace her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He hesitated at first, his heart saying no, but his dick saying yes, please, now, and thank you. He closed his arms around her, bringing his large hands to rest on her waist, ghosting his fingers down over her the top of ass, tentatively. This was not a new thing for either of them, but it felt different, like maybe he didn't have the right to be here anymore. But that couldn’t be true, not when she was kissing him like this, with little moans escaping her lips.

If this was all they could have, then so be it. He would take any crumb she would offer and live off it for as long as he could until she finally disappeared for good. One night with her was better than nothing at all. He would savor it.

He reached down to cup her ass and lift her up, and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist as they continued to kiss ferally. He brought her over to the bed and gently laid her back, taking a moment to pull back and take her in—laying there, so beautifully spread open for him. She wore simple black joggers and fuzzy socks and a Star Wars t-shirt with a cute little hoodie over it. Her hair fanned over the pale lilac bedspread, framing her beautiful face. He would burn it into his memory for later, if not forever. 

She reached for his buttons to start undoing them.

“I’m not sure how much time we have. They tend to knock out for quite a bit but I don’t want to take any chances of missing out on this.”

“Okay, you got it,” he said, ripping the shirt over his head, taking his black undershirt with it. She ran her hands over his beautiful sculpted chest, relishing the feel of his warm skin and wanting to make as much contact between her body and his as soon as possible. She sat up and pulled off her hoodie and shirt as well. Before she could reach for the clasp on her bra, he yanked the cups down and immediately started lavishing hot wet attention on each of her breasts. He was like a starved man, licking, sucking and nuzzling with his strong aquiline nose. He kneaded them with each of his hands simultaneously, taking in the look and the feel and the smell of her—to burn her into his skin like a brand.

He kissed down her stomach and yanked her sweatpants and panties down in one fell swoop before frantically unzipping his pants and freeing himself from the confines of his khakis. 

“I might leave these on just in case. At least you can pretend you’re like, changing or something right?”

“Don’t be nervous, Ben, the door is locked and they never pry anyway. Let me get a condom.”

Ben, however, wasn’t listening—his face was already buried deep between her legs and Rey stifled a high pitched moan as he opened her up with his generous tongue. _God how I love this man,_ she thought,a bolt of fear shooting through her. _I love how he eats pussy, yes that’s it._ Her thoughts disappeared as she became overcome by the heavy press of his tongue and the way he latched his mouth over her entire mound and sucked as his tongue swirled around her clit. His mouth was so big, covering her entire her cunt; he could devour her whole. 

It wasn’t long before he ratcheted her up to her peak, faster than she’d ever reached it in her life. She shattered around him as he lapped up her hot release.

“Fuck baby, you taste so good. I can never get enough of this.”

As she shook through the deep pulses still emanating from her core, Rey felt blindly around the bed for the condom she had managed to grab from her drawer just in time. With a sense of urgency, she shoved it directly onto his face, and he finally released her from his delicious torture.

“Ben, now, please. I need to feel you inside me.” 

He went through the process of sheathing himself in protective latex as quickly as possible. He then grabbed himself at the base and notched himself at her dripping wet center. They locked eyes again and she nodded, reaching up to lay her hands flat against his chest to brace herself for what was coming. 

He pushed in slowly at first, sinking all the way in and then pulling all the way out, teasing her. 

“Ben!” She admonished him with a frown. He had reduced her to a slick puddle of need, aching, and want.

He reached down and thumbed her clit in hard, slow circles, his mouth opening in ecstasy as he plunged back in quickly with a rough jerk of his hips. 

Rey threw her head back and squeezed her eyes shut and did her best not to scream aloud, her mouth forming a silent O. He filled her up in the most delightful and dirty way. It was magnificent.

His expression turned fierce as he grabbed one of her thighs to drape her calf up over his shoulder. He continued to bombard her clit with hard powerful strokes from his other hand. He held her leg for dear life and pumped faster, relishing the wet slapping sounds and the tightness as she drew him in like an undertow and her walls clung to him on each withdrawal. She came again quickly, her cunt pulsating on his cock.

“Fuck!” He whisper-screamed as he continued to pound into her relentlessly, chasing his own release. The feeling of her clenching around him was overwhelming. He leaned forward, letting her leg fall as she laid there limply, whispering his name over and over again and fisting the sheets. 

“Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.” She repeated it like a mantra that kept her present and tethered her to Earth. 

He braced both forearms against the bed, framing her face and kissed her deeply as he continued to thrust.

_I love you, I love you. Never leave me, I need you so much. I never stopped needing you. Please don’t leave me._

He wished with all his heart that he could say the words aloud, but even silently, they were enough to send him over the edge. He spilled into her with force and wished he could mark her as his forever. She would smell like him, she would always feel what it felt like to have him inside her and she would never forget how much they both needed _this._

“ _Ben.”_ It was a sigh, a thank you, a prayer. She felt a tear form at the corner of her eye. 

_Why do I need you so much? Why can’t I stop?_

He kissed her neck and collapsed, taking care not to crush her tiny frame underneath him. He turned his head to nuzzle into her hair and kiss at her shoulder. He was spent both physically and emotionally.

“Rey.” 

She reached up to wipe her tear away before he noticed and gave him a playful attaboy slap on his back. She couldn’t sit in this moment too long. It would sweep her away like a whitewater current and there would be no coming back from it. She was leaving again and there was no reason to torture herself, or him. How could she hurt someone she felt _this_ for?

“I have to pee, sorry, can you, uh…”

“Yea, sure, I should probably, get rid of… this too.” He gestured to the condom and then yanked it off and tied it in a knot. 

Rey threw her clothes back on quickly and left the room to go to the bathroom. The air was cooler out in the hall. She could finally catch her breath. 

Ben rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure if letting all this happen had been the right thing to do, but maybe he didn’t want to be right. _Maybe I was born to suffer._

He pulled himself together and found her trash can, burying the evidence beneath her discarded tissues, receipts, and an insane amount of candy wrappers. He returned to sit on the bed and waited. For what, he wasn’t sure. 

If only they could have laid here together all night. If only they could _talk_. 

But what would he say? Quit Harvard? Transfer to Princeton? Let me tie you to my bed for days so I can have you whenever I want?

 _Get it together, Solo._

Rey peeked into the bedroom from behind her door. “You good? I think I heard some stirring out there.”

_So that’s it then._

“Got it, yeah.” 

He ran his hand over his face to gather himself. He stood up and smoothed his hair and followed her back towards the kitchen. He wouldn’t go to the bathroom to wash any of her off. He wanted her on his hands, on his cock. He would keep her with him as long as he could.

“I’m so glad you came,” Rey said as they stood on the porch outside. 

“Me too, Rey.” He looked at her, imprinting the sight of her face into his brain, adding another image to his collection. _She’s looking at me like she… yeah right._

He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead as he cradled her neck and jaw in his hand, lingering on her skin for as long as he could bear it. Before the tears came. 

“I’ll see you around, kid.” 

He turned and walked down the front lawn. She watched him get in his car and give her a nod before driving away. 

Rey felt a single teardrop slide down her cheek. She blinked it away, wiping her face with the cuff of her hoodie and darting back inside the house. She felt colder now—and not just from standing in the crisp autumn air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. I have a plan! 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) and [Tumblr](https://tumblr.com/users/xinfinitegalaxiesx).
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	4. Baby Please Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipO3xvRDQhlYzY06DMKi76-Qdx_ZrbN6eq99MwzGXlUaldKC__zOkSurhuvEpnNFAA?key=Vi04bEt4d3ViU1N5RTRIN0pNaUI5UTdOcERTWnZR&source=ctrlq.org)
> 
> They're singing "Deck The Halls"  
> But it's not like Christmas at all  
> 'Cause I remember when you were here  
> And all the fun we had last year*
> 
> _Song by Darlene Love  
>  Source: LyricFind  
> Songwriters: Ellie Greenwich / Jeff Barry / Phil Spector  
> Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the winter of our discontent. 
> 
> Hang on kids, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. But remember - this is a comedy, not a tragedy!
> 
> Shoutout to my ride-or-die beta [Venetum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venetum)!

After her tearful goodbye with Ben, she returned to college unsure of how to feel. Before she could even think too deeply about it, she was head on into final exams and wrapping up the semester. She decided to table any major self-analysis until she could think clearly again. 

A few short weeks later, Rey was once again riding the bus back home to New Jersey. This time, Rey’s friends picked her up from the bus station. Rose, Jannah, and Kaydel were piled in Rose's Wagoneer and belting out “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey as she hefted her duffle bag into the trunk.

Rose shoved an ugly sweater at Rey as she settled into the backseat. 

“Put this on betch, we’re goin’ to Poe’s!”

Rey sniffed the bright green sweater with ornaments hanging off of the front of it. “Did someone die in this or is that just a bonus smell?”

“Rose found them all at Goodwill, aren’t they so _fetch_?” Kaydel squealed.

“For the last time love, we are not making fetch happen, okay?” Jannah teased. 

“SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE!” Rose bellowed from behind the driver’s wheel.

Rey giggled, happy to be home with her besties, who always knew that a perfectly timed  _ Mean Girls _ quote would make her day.

* * *

The party was in full swing when Rey and her crew arrived. Poe, the son of two successful astronauts, lived in a mansion, on a huge property with horse stables and tennis courts. Hux, as per usual, was pinned to Poe’s side and raised his highball class in a toast when Rey caught his eye. She was looking forward to attending that wedding for  _ sure. _

Rey made herself a "dirty" Shirley Temple with some vanilla vodka and extra cherries, leaning against the kitchen counter to take a cold, sweet sip. The girls were already performing “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses on Poe’s karaoke machine. They knew better than to ask her tone deaf ass to join them and she was eternally grateful for that.

* * *

Ben had let Hux drag him to this stupid party, but he drew the line at wearing a crusty old reindeer sweater. Instead, he just wore his late father’s old red plaid button down that felt like Christmas to him whenever he wore it. He intended to lay low, ducking into the kitchen to see what he could find to drown his sorrows in. It had been about a month since he’d last seen Rey, but to his aching heart, it might as well have been yesterday. 

They locked eyes immediately as he entered the large chef’s kitchen. Fear struck him, followed by an instant, unavoidable sadness. 

“Hey there, Benjamin. Merry Christmas,” Rey spoke softly.

“Merry Christmas, Rey. Nice sweater.” he replied.

“Thanks. It smells like old people! I’m surprised to see you here, I wouldn’t take you for a themed party type of man.”

“Yeah no, I hate it here, just trying to be supportive.”

“You wanna get out of here?”

Ben blanched.  _ Of course I do, but at what cost? _ His anger went up like a shield around his heart.

“You always do that.”

Rey’s smile faded instantly. “I always do  _ what _ ?”

“You know what I mean. You pull me into your tractor beam and abduct me so you can probe me like I’m some kind of experiment.”

“Are you comparing me to an alien? I mean, I’m all for probing but I’m a little confused.”   


“Sorry, I just. I don’t think I want to go… somewhere... with  _ you _ .” He suddenly felt heavy, like his body was slowly filling with cement. Telling her  _ no _ felt like he was going against the innate desires of every single cell in his body.

“Ben, I…”

“It’s okay. It’s good to see you, Rey. You look really good.” He watched the hope start to bloom in her face and it felt like a knife to his chest to know he was about to take it away. He willed himself to move, but they looked at each other for what felt like an eternity.

They both opened their mouths to say something, but Ben just swiped a hand over his face and stared at his feet like the answer to all of his problems lay somewhere between his shoelaces.

“So yeah, I’ll see you around then,” he choked out. 

Before she could say anything back, he turned his back on her and fled out of the kitchen. He didn’t even bother saying goodbye to Hux, not that his besotted friend would register his absence anyhow. Ben tried not to feel jealous that his buddy had so easily captured what continued to elude him.

He hurried down the front steps and into the dark night in search of his car on the large circular drive with an icicle-covered fountain in the center. 

Rey stood in stunned silence. From the moment he had appeared, she was rooted to her spot against the kitchen counter. To see him and not touch him was like being at a breakfast buffet and thinking, “Hmm, no bacon for _me_ today!” 

She thought she could let him go, because it seemed like that was what he had wanted when they last parted. It made sense, logically at least, and she hadn’t wanted to lead him on.  _ But what about what I want? What DO I want? What the fuck IS this?  _

This was not a feeling she wanted to continue. It was like coils of snakes forming in her gut, wrenching her around and making her feel like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. It was always easier to feel anger and anxiety, rather than admit what it really was eating her alive—longing. Longing for connection, for love, for  _ Ben. _

It was definitely easier for her to leave than to be left.  She had had enough of that for one lifetime already. If she never gave in to him, if she never gave  _ herself _ , she would never really lose him. But wasn’t that what was happening anyway?  _ Loss. _

Rey could no longer hold on to the fantasy that somehow he would always be there waiting for her, loyal and kind, for the day she eventually got her shit together. He had finally drawn a line, and she was positively desolate on the other side of it. 

She slammed her drink on the counter and ran out after him, grabbing her coat off the pile on the couch. She could hear her friends' voices nervously ask her where she was going, but they were a mile away, under water. She had a singular focus: to get to him before it was too late. 

She spotted him just as he opened his car door to get in. 

“Ben! Wait!

_ Fuck.  _ His shoulders went up to his ears, bracing for the final blow that would do him in. It would either make him give himself over to her completely, regardless of the consequences, or it would force him to break her, so that she would finally stop breaking him. 

“Ben, please, don’t leave. Stay. I’m sorry if I said something wrong, or if you don’t want to be around me. I mean, I get it. I leave, you leave. Everyone leaves eventually right? That’s just how it is… I...”

Ben watched as she floundered to say those words. He couldn't tell if he wanted to kiss her or scream at her. Maybe a little of both.

“Rey. As much as I enjoy our… times together, I can’t just kiss you... and fuck you and then watch you go again. It’s too much. I don’t know what you’re expecting right now, but I can’t. I just can’t.”

The words stung. He wasn’t wrong. She never thought far beyond taking what she needed from him. He had made her feel something no one else ever had and she was starved for it. But what could she possibly offer him in return? The realization hit her like a bucket of cold water. He deserved better than this.

“I see. Well, I totally get that. I’m sorry, Ben. I’ll leave you be, then.” Her blood ran cold.

_ People just leave—it’s what they do. It’s what I do, anyway. It’s not like he’s in love with me, or I’m in love with him, right?  _

If it was the right thing to do, then why did it feel like a knife twisting slowly in her chest? 

She willed herself to turn around and go back inside and, lucky that, as the tears were just starting to stream down her cheeks.

Ben worked his jaw and closed his eyes, contemplating chasing after her. He was so ready to settle for scraps again, but where would that leave him in a month from now, a year? Waiting around for her to come back so he could have one more night with her? What if the next time she came home with a boyfriend, or worse, a  _ ring _ on her finger? He had no right to hold her back, and she had no right to keep him on a string. Best to make a clean break before he was truly dead inside. 

Rey heard the car start as she made it to the top of the porch steps. She willed herself not to turn back and look at him one last time. She didn’t want him to see her cry because he would come right back to her and she'd have him trapped, yet again. She didn’t want his goodness to go to waste on someone like her who couldn’t even meet him halfway. 

But she did care about him. She certainly didn't want anyone else. And the few guys she met at parties, or at on-campus events really didn’t hold a candle to him, and none inspired the lust and longing the Ben had kindled in her. But she was _there_ and he was _here_ , and she didn’t see how that could change any time soon.

She had a full scholarship at Harvard, and she was finally out of New Jersey. Oh, how she had wanted to  _ escape _ . But escape from what? Her loving grandparents? Her beautiful, clever group of friends? This incredible man? Perhaps, deep down, she was just like her parents. Maybe she was just damaged and there was nothing to be done about it. Maybe she didn’t deserve any of them.

What was waiting for her in Boston? What was at Harvard that she couldn’t get at another prestigious school that wasn’t a four hour drive away from everything that felt like home to her? 

She had made a choice that day at the pool: To make Ben  _ hers _ by a lake on a sweet summer evening. In return, he had made her feel like both the most  _ powerful _ and the most  _ cherished _ woman alive. Someone worth keeping. Someone worth protecting. Someone worth staying for.

Suddenly, Rey knew what she had to do. She just didn’t know if she had the strength to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) and [Tumblr](https://tumblr.com/users/xinfinitegalaxiesx).
> 
> Have no fear: Rey's about to get by with a little help from her friends.


	5. So This is the New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipN-op9erNoAbbEn-ofEio4vFgisQVK4pCRYZAws2xjQSPn6UmvN4JUZLQv_NLo5eQ?key=eDcxVExQblZ4bDFTYVpVdUtuMkNycUhlWVJqV3ZB&source=ctrlq.org)   
> 
> 
> Don't worry everybody, Jannah has a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the power of female friendship. You know who you are <3
> 
> Shoutout to my ride-or-die beta [Venetum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venetum)!

Rey spent the rest of Christmas break in a daze. Luckily, Granny Maz kept her busy with cookie making, tree decorating, caroling at the local senior center, and wrapping presents for a women and children’s shelter. It was a relief to not have to spend too much time alone with her thoughts. Going through all the festive motions was meditative, and made her feel like a kid again in the best way.

Rose invited Rey, Jannah, and Kaydel over for a New Year’s Eve slumber party at her house. They snuck a dusty old bottle of peach schnapps out of her parent’s liquor cabinet and had a Tina Fey cinematic movie marathon, starting with _Baby Mama_ and culminating with their all-time favorite, _Mean Girls._

Rey’s tolerance was way down, due to a long week full of wholesome activities that didn’t involve hammering Jäeger-bombs four nights in a row. The sweet liqueur made her feel warm and happy, and she reveled in the comfort of being back with her best girlfriends. 

After the final credits rolled and everyone laid out their sleeping bags on the floor, the conversation inevitably turned to the topic of relationships. Rose was going strong with Finn, who was away at basic training for the Air Force, Kaydel was secretly boning her history professor, Dr. Beaumont Kin, and Jannah was experimenting with her bisexuality with a girl in her Women’s Studies class. Everyone dished their wild and dirty details at length while Rey busied herself with destroying a bag of Swedish Fish. When the room finally fell quiet, all eyes turned to Rey.

“So, Rey, tell us about the Harvard D—is it more… intellectual?” Rose joked.

Kaydel leaned forward expectantly. “Yes, please tell me someone has _pahked_ the _cah_ in your _Hahvahd_ _yahd_ , Rey?”

“Yes, how bout dem apples, Rey give us the Boston tea!” Jannah exclaimed.

Rey crossed her arms and fixed her friends with her best scowl. “Wow, genuinely impressed at your corniness guys; that is expert-level cringe.”

“So yes or no bruh? Please, I am so lonely with Finn being away. I’ve ordered like five vibrators to fill the void.”

“Yeah, well, honestly, I haven’t met anyone at school. But on Thanksgiving, Ben and I kind of…” 

“Are you kidding me? Why the crap didn’t you tell us? I am deeply hurt, Rey,” Kaydel interrupted with the kind of wounded sincerity only peach schnapps could elicit from her. 

Rose and Jannah glared in unison. 

“It’s just that, I didn’t see it going anywhere with me being so far away. I mean sure, he’s got the most beautiful penis I’ve ever seen in my life, and the multiple orgasms are nothing to sniff at…”

“Excuse me, multiple? From a guy our _very_ age?” Jannah paused thoughtfully. “Okay, nevermind, Solo totally eats pussy. I can see that.” 

A “yeah definitely” from Rose and an “oh yeah, totally” from Kaydel erupted simultaneously.

“Well, yeah, there’s that. I mean, he just really pays attention to me. He makes me feel like an actual sex goddess. He lets me take the lead but then he’ll totally dominate me at the exact right moment. It’s _kind_ of incredible.”

“So wait, I’m confused, you haven’t slept with him in two months, because?” Rose inquired.

Kaydel gave a frustrated huff. “Yeah bruh, what gives?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I _tried._ When I saw him at Christmas he basically told me he couldn’t go on if I was just going to leave again. And he’s kind of right. It’s not fair—he deserves someone better than me.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Better than you? Rey what kind of self-sabotaging bullshit is that?” Rose took on her “hold my earrings” look.

Jannah grabbed the near empty bowl of popcorn and hugged it in her lap.“Yeah, BB, what do you think, you're not worthy of a long distance commitment? Did you guys even talk about it?” 

Rey scoffed. “Talking—that’s not something he and I are particularly good at. He just took off after Poe’s party, and I let him. But now I’m not sure if I did the right thing.” 

It wasn’t long before the tears started trailing down her cheeks. She couldn’t remember any other time in her life that she had ever cried so much. Not since she was a kid. 

“I’ve fucked it all up haven’t I?” Rey sobbed. “I thought, maybe I should just quit Harvard and come home, and that’s crazy right? To take such a huge risk when he may not even want me anymore?” 

Her friends leaned in to snuggle around her. Rose stroked her hair, Kaydel rubbed her back and Jannah relinquished her popcorn to wipe Rey’s cheeks with a tissue. 

The feeling of being surrounded by so much love was almost too much to bear. Surely if these girls cared for her so much, she must not be a _total_ piece of shit. 

“Rey, there is no fast and easy answer to this honey. It is a huge decision, but it sounds like you and Solo have barely even talked to each other about how you really feel. Does he even know?” Rose paused. “That you love him?”

Rey paused for a moment as the gears in her mind turned. They finally clicked into place.

“Oh my god, I _do_ love him. I was trying so hard not to!” She sobbed even harder now. “I didn’t want to admit it to myself. No one’s ever made me feel like him. I don’t even know what to do with it!” 

Rose pulled her in for a hug and cradled her face. She motioned to Jannah for the box of tissues. 

Kaydel hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin atop them. “That’s beautiful Rey—you know you deserve it right? To be loved? You’re an incredible woman Rey. I look up to you so much. I mean—you’re going to _Harvard!_ ”

“Thanks Kaydel, that’s... really nice. You really think that about me?” 

Rey sniffled and accepted the tissue Rose held in front of her. She sat up slowly and blew her nose with a loud honk.

“You know for an Ivy leaguer, you really are such a dum-dum, Rey. Of course we feel that way,” Rose teased her.

Jannah rested her chin on her hands. “Rey—remember when my grandma died and you came right over and sat with me for hours? I’ll never forget that day. You fed me tons of candy and made me feel like everything was going to be okay.”

Kaydel stroked Rey’s shoulder gently as she spoke. “Yeah, and remember when I was failing calc class and you helped me study every day for a week and I didn’t just pass, but I got a B+? You are so generous and kind, Rey.”

Rose squeezed her arms around Rey in a side hug, “You were there for me the day Finn left for basic and bought me a milkshake and disco fries at the diner and let me cry for like three whole hours. Rey—you are a good person and a beautiful, smart and sexy woman. Ben would be insane to let you go.” 

Rey dabbed gingerly at her nose with her tissue. “Really, guys, this is all too much, thank you. I feel the same way about all three of you. I know you would all do the same for me. You're doing it right now. I… I’m sorry I went away to Boston. I’m starting to think that there was no reason for me to leave in the first place. Not when I have all of you here—you’re my home.”

“Don’t be silly,” Rose scolded. “A little distance isn’t going to change anything between us. I fully expect us to be rocking the retirement community one day _Golden_ _Girls-_ style. It’s okay to branch out and try new things. You took a huge risk and you should be proud of that. Not everyone gets to go to an Ivy League school, Rey. Especially not on a full scholarship. But you know it's okay to come home too. You have to do what's best for you. What makes you truly happy—Ben Solo, or no Ben Solo.”

“That’s true, you’re right. I guess… I was so eager to run away, I didn’t consider what I was leaving behind. I can see now that I already have everything I need… right here.”

Jannah smiled. “Okay, so enough crying for now, eh? I think it’s time to cook up the ultimate scheme to help our baby Rey.” Jannah loved a good caper and was more than happy to help orchestrate one.

“Ooh, I likey! What did you have in mind?” Kaydel replied enthusiastically, her eyebrows practically touching her hairline.

Jannah clapped authoritatively and straightened her spine, her eyes twinkling mischievously. 

“We’re going to get Ben Solo back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did I tell you? The girls have it all under control. How would you get Ben Solo back? Make sure you don't do it alone! 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) and [Tumblr](https://tumblr.com/users/xinfinitegalaxiesx).


	6. Love is a Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipMtzmSTbj79zxyVDdiEdRI5Ua47bPZgOHFj5WwHRQ3h3vd6iiQ7VnsZl59mrqu6Xw?key=SFVVdmc4clBuSkdEQTI5ajkyOEhCQ25RMlJ3QkVB&source=ctrlq.org)   
> 
> 
> “We’ll start the bidding at five dollars. Do I have five dollars for Ben Solo?”
> 
> Ben closed his eyes and stood with his hands folded behind his back, willing his body not to sway back and forth or make faces that betrayed his actual emotions: fear, panic, and regret for being duped into this. _What if no one bids?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 100% pure rom-com fluffy goodness. 
> 
> Dedicated to Leia Organa, who loved her son Ben Solo.
> 
> Shoutout to my ride-or-die beta [Venetum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venetum)!

**December 2019**

Ben had been able to avoid his mom for most of the holiday season thanks to all of her mayoral obligations, allowing him to wallow in his sorrows with minimal interference. He attended the requisite holiday parties and community service photo ops with Mayor Organa and spent the rest of his time either alone or playing video games with Hux.

He and his mom had a quiet Christmas Eve. She got him a few motivational books written by famous politicians that would collect dust on his shelf, and some nice new clothes since he was already hulking out of most of his existing wardrobe, thanks to all of his rage lifting during gym class. He wasn’t a joiner, so despite every coach begging him to join a team, any team, he preferred the solitude of the bench press and quiet runs around the track, listening to the emo hours indie soundtrack of his life: Neutral Milk Hotel, Death Cab for Cutie and Devotchka, to name a few. He gave her an Amazon Alexa, to help her manage her time better. Plus he liked asking it stupid questions.

At dinner, they set a place for his dad with his favorite scotch and shared some favorite memories, like the time he tried to fix up an old car and almost blew up the garage. It had been almost five years since he passed away. He had saved a woman and her kids from getting swept away in a flood, but he got swept away himself. It still felt like yesterday. Ever since, Leia had busied herself with work, and Ben had withdrawn to his own little world. That was, until Rey came into his life.

Leia noticed her son getting lost in thought and staring into space. The Christmas tree lights formed long shadows on his face, and he looked a little despondent.

“So what’s going on kid? I know it’s been a crazy few months with the election and all of my… obligations. I just want you to know I’m proud of you.”

He scoffed. “Proud of me for what mom?” 

It came out more harshly than he had intended. What did she care? What was it to her, as long as he stayed out of her way and didn’t embarrass her? He’d done enough to make himself invisible, was that what made her so proud?

“Oh Ben, do you even know how wonderful you are? Your grades are spotless despite being put in all the honors classes ahead of your grade. You show up when I need you to and you’ve never once done anything to get yourself in trouble. I know I don’t say it enough but I love you, son. And I know Dad would be so, so proud of the man you’ve become.”

Ben had not been expecting this. Maybe he’d been too hard on her, and maybe he needed her more than he thought. Praise was a bit of a trigger for him. He was used to people letting him down by now and didn’t quite know what to do with the opposite sensation. A tear formed in the corner of his eye and he wiped it away quickly. But Leia, ever the politician, was shrewd and perceptive. Plus, she knew her son better than anyone.

“All right, spill it.”

“Spill what mom?” Ben was terrible at hiding his emotions—no wonder they got him into so much trouble.

“You know what I mean. I can tell something’s bothering you sweetie, and it’s not because I gave you books you’ll never read in a million years.” 

She studied his face as he laughed a bit at her keen self-awareness. A face that only yesterday had been that of a quiet boy with a deep soul, who analyzed everything. Who exhausted her with endless questions and wanted to know everything there was to know about every subject imaginable. Now, she saw before her a thoughtful young man who was clearly in pain. 

Ben couldn’t hold it back any longer. It never occurred to him to talk to his mom about Rey, but Hux wasn’t exactly the best confidant either. He found it hard to be vulnerable with anyone, especially after Rey. Mom was as good of a start as any.

“I am in love with a girl who doesn’t love me back, Mom. She definitely wants me, just only when it’s convenient to her.”

“What do you mean, son? You can tell me.”

“We spent half the summer together. Me and Rey. I fell in… I _am_ in love with her, even now. But she goes to school in Boston, and I don’t even know if she cares all that much. I basically shut it down because it was tearing me apart. I just want to be free of this pain, Mom.”

Leia had that feeling that every mom has: the desire to shield your child from all of the pain the world has to offer. The desire to take their place, if only you could. But she knew that he had to go through this to become who he was meant to be—who he was already becoming. She couldn’t take his pain away, but she could help him bear it. She got up and sat next to him on the couch and couldn’t contain her surprise as he leaned into her embrace. Wrapping her arms tight around her beautiful son, she squeezed him tightly as the sobs wracked his body.

When he was finally done crying, he felt like an immense weight had been lifted. Leia used the dry pad of her thumb to wipe away the streaks of tears from his cheeks and smoothed his hair away from his forehead. She would remember this moment for as long as she lived and tucked it away for when she felt like she would never be a good enough mom, no matter how hard she tried.

“It’s going to be okay, son. Love hurts like a bitch, but if you really love this girl, then she must be worth fighting for. If she can’t meet you halfway, that’s more about her than it is about you. Either way, I love you and I’m here for you—whatever happens.”

“Thanks, Mom. I don’t know what I want to do right now. Maybe I just need to focus on myself for a change. I… I applied to Princeton, early decision.”

“Oh, that’s great son. Are you sure that’s where you want to go? I know I might have made you feel pressured, because that’s where I went, but I think it could be really good for you. You can always come home or transfer if it’s not for you. Or you can try somewhere else. There are other scholarships, and loans even…”

“No mom, it feels right enough. I don’t really feel like exploring too many other choices. I thought about applying to Harvard even, but I’ve given her enough chances. I think if I take some time to be on my own, maybe the answers will come to me. I’m just tired of analyzing and overthinking.”

“That’s incredibly wise, Ben. I really am so, so proud of you my darling. I love you sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Mom. But, can I get up now? My arm is falling asleep.”

Leia chuckled. Oh to go back to those baby days when he wouldn’t leave her alone and could hardly sleep unless he was tucked up against her body or in her arms. The hardest and most beautiful part of being a parent was letting go. 

She knew that her son would be okay, and swore to herself that she would keep giving him reasons to come back to her, no matter how strong and independent he became.

* * *

**February 2020**

A month and a half flew by in a haze, as Ben threw himself into his schoolwork and exam prep. There were already talks of graduation, and prom, and he started picturing what his life was going to look like in only a few short months, this time without Rey. 

Before he knew it, Principal Amilyn Holdo, who was of course good friends with his mother, was strong-arming him into auctioning himself off for the Valentine’s Day Charity Fundraiser. He would be put up on the stage for fellow seniors to bid on a chance to take him out to dinner and a movie. It was mortifying, and he could imagine Hux placing the winning bid just to mess with him. At least the proceeds were going to help build a new science lab, which made him feel slightly less ridiculous. Another part of him couldn’t help but feel flattered at the thought of multiple girls vying for a chance to spend the evening with him. If Rey didn’t want him the same way he wanted her, maybe it was time to start moving on, even if it hurt like hell. 

He hadn’t heard from her since the ugly sweater party, but he had made it clear to her that he couldn’t take the torture anymore. He couldn’t believe that that had been almost two months ago; the pain still sat atop his heart like a small wild animal, scraping against the inside of his ribs. Every day the pain got a little duller though, and despite himself, he could start picturing the day it would be gone for good.

He was grateful for the grind of college prep, and kept working out, playing video games, and taking Leia up on her offers to do something fun together at least once a week. Now that she was into her groove as Mayor, she was able to make him a priority. He found himself enjoying her company a bit more, and the house didn’t seem so empty now. 

The day of the auction was fast approaching and he and Hux went to the mall to go shopping for something nice to wear that would fit his ever-growing chest and biceps. Thanks to Poe, Hux had really stepped up his style game and was eager to test his new superpower on his fashionably-challenged friend.

“God, Solo, can those buttons work any harder? I feel like i should be wearing protective goggles when I’m around you lest I get my eye shot out.”

“Don’t be jealous of my flex, brah,” Ben joked in response. He couldn’t help feel a little flattered. He was getting pretty big, not that he cared too much about looking a certain way. But it was nice to be noticed. 

“We definitely need to start with some flexible fabrics, and maybe discuss getting you out of this jeans or khakis binary you straights are so obsessed with.” 

Needless to say, it was a long afternoon, but Ben left with at least a few viable options for the auction, as well as the date. Ben finally let himself feel a little excited. 

* * *

Ben waited nervously, along with five other eligible bachelors, in the backstage of the school’s auditorium. Thanks to Hux, he was dressed in a crisp navy blue suit made of a cool, breathable fabric, so that he wouldn’t be drenched in sweat by the time the winning bid was called. He had on a pale blue button down and a smart navy blue tie, with a silver tie bar. He shifted his feet in his new cognac brown oxford shoes. Hux had even convinced him to wear coordinating navy and powder blue argyle dress socks. He plunged his hands in and out of his pants pockets and shifted from foot to foot, unable to stand still. 

Much to his dismay, the auditorium was absolutely packed. The student body was either extremely invested in the future of science or extremely horny. He could hear their murmurs blending together on the other side of the curtain, and wondered who out there was considering placing a bid on him. It would either be extremely validating or total and utter humiliation that would haunt him for years to come. Damn Principal Holdo’s persuasive powers. Maybe it wasn’t too late to run.

Before he could bolt, he heard Holdo announce the bachelors one by one, on the other side of the stage curtain. He was next. He took a deep breath, straightened his back, and followed his classmate out to the chairs awaiting them on the stage.

* * *

Rey sat nervously in the passenger seat of the Wagoneer as Rose pulled the key out of the ignition. Rose fixed Rey with a sincere look. 

“Are you ready for this, Rey?” 

Rey fidgeted with the fringe of her scarf and took a deep breath. “I was born ready.” 

Rey could hear her friends suppressing their excited squeals from the backseat as they unbuckled their seatbelts and jumped out of the car.

* * *

Ben squinted his eyes against the hot stage lights as he strode past the podium to find his place in the row of chairs that had been arranged to face the audience. They’d had a dress rehearsal the night before, so he knew that he was in the last seat, positioned furthest from the podium. He’d have to sit there nervously through five other auctions, with the bright lights obscuring any audience members who may be patiently awaiting their turn to bid on him. _Or not._

He took a seat and couldn’t help but default to his awkward seating pose of folding his feet together like a nervous pigeon. He took note of the fact he was doing it yet again and straightened out his legs and sat up tall, pretending to have a shred of confidence to get through this ordeal.

The bidding went fairly quickly. Holdo seemed to know exactly which of the senior boys were in high demand: a surprisingly diverse mix of jocks, band geeks, and drama club leading men. He didn’t know quite where he fit into this melange of high school archetypes, or if it was just because his mom was the mayor and it was good optics for him to raise money for a worthy cause. Either way, part of him held out hope that there was someone out there in the crowd that wanted him badly enough to declare it in front of the whole school, and was actually willing to put down cold hard cash to prove it.

“And now up for bidding is Benjamin Solo. Ben is eighteen, loves Indie Rock, working out and playing video games.”

He cringed at his meager list of hobbies. He belonged to no team, zero clubs, and had no real ambition to speak of. But he was ready to change that. 

“We’ll start the bidding at five dollars. Do I have five dollars for Ben Solo?”

Ben closed his eyes and stood with his hands folded behind his back, willing his body not to sway back and forth or make faces that betrayed his actual emotions: fear, panic, and regret for being duped into this. _What if no one bids?_

Ben opened his eyes to peer out at the audience now that his eyes had adjusted to the blaring lights. 

A petite woman with bangs wearing a beret stood up and shouted a bit too enthusiastically, “Twenty dollars!” 

Across the room, a blonde woman in twin buns atop her head squealed, “Thirty dollars!”

Ben didn’t think he recognized either of them, but it was too hard to see them clearly. They didn’t look like underclassmen, that he knew of at least. In fact, they looked a little too old to be in high school. He mentally scanned his memories of the moms he mowed lawns for the previous summer. _No, that couldn’t be allowed,_ _could it?_

Another woman with an impressive head of curly hair stood up and jumped up and down while waving a poster over her head that read “BEN SOLO IS MINE” in pink glittery letters. “Fifty dollars!” she screamed. 

“Oh wow, ladies, easy now—this is a high school auction,” Principal Holdo remarked from the podium. “Very impressive, Ben! We have fifty dollars going once, going twice,”

“One-hundred dollars.” The voice was calm and clear, and it radiated from a slender, tall brunette walking up the center aisle towards the stage. As she came closer, the stage lights began to illuminate her body, then her face, until Ben could no longer pretend he didn’t know who she was. 

_Rey._

_What was she doing here?_ His brain fumbled for any reason why she would possibly be standing here in front of him in this very moment, but all he felt was extremely confused.

“Sold for one-hundred dollars!” Holdo exclaimed, with a wink at Ben. 

_Was she… in on it?_ His brain worked a mile a minute, like the scene in _The Hangover_ where the animated calculations float in front of the character’s face. 

Rey ascended the stairs on the side of the stage. _She’s coming right for me._

She had a look of serene calm on her face—the look of a person who knows exactly what they want and how they are going to get it. 

Ben’s throat became dry and his vision blacked out around the edges as he focused entirely on the woman striding directly towards him with a singular purpose. 

“Hi, Ben.”

“Hi, Rey.”

Ben looked at her eyes, then her lips, and his eyes wandered down to her sweatshirt. It was bright orange, a color he’d never seen her wear before, and the letters spelled Pr…

“Ben, my eyes are up here.” 

He snapped his head back up to meet her gaze, the sound of his heartbeat thundering in his ears. He watched as she lifted a microphone to her mouth, as if it were in slow motion. He hadn’t registered it before. 

Ben heard the click of a tape deck from the center aisle and turned to see Rey’s three friends standing there. Rose held up an old school boombox over her head as the sounds of an acoustic guitar echoed through the auditorium. There was Jannah, still waving the poster, and Kaydel covering her mouth with both hands to contain her excitement. His mother stood next to them with her arms crossed, a knowing smile on her face. Hux stood behind her, holding her coat dutifully while Poe leaned his head on Hux's shoulder, staring wistfully at the stage.

Rey began singing softly, her eyes meeting Ben’s. 

_“I love how your eyes close_  
_Whenever you kiss me_  
_And when I'm away from you_  
_I love how you miss me”_

He recognized it immediately as one of his favorite songs that Neutral Milk Hotel had covered at one of their concerts. He had played it for her one night last summer, pretending it was purely for her musical education. He had played it many more times before she left, and many times since. His heart kept pounding but his pulse slowed as she looked lovingly into his eyes and continued to sing. It was like they were the only two people in the world. 

_“I love the way your kiss is always heavenly_  
_But darling most of all_  
_I love how you love me”_

Tears pricked his eyes and he pressed his lips together firmly to hold back whatever was threatening to erupt. He hadn’t given her much of a chance to talk to him before, and maybe now was the time to start. Also, the sight of her singing to him in front of the entire school was like a daydream come true, and he didn’t want to do anything to break the spell.

_“I love how your heart beats_  
_Whenever I hold you_  
_I love how you think of me_  
_Without being told to_  
_I love the way your touch is always tenderly_  
_But darling most of all_  
_I love how you love me”_

He knew that she should be in Boston instead of standing here singing to him. He knew what it meant for her to be here, in a school that she no longer attended, when it was February, and almost Valentine’s Day. He knew that despite not having looked long enough, that she was wearing a Princeton sweatshirt. He knew, _finally_ , that she loved him. 

Rey could see the look in his eyes. Her heart soared at the way tears were on the cusp of spilling over the rims of his eyes, and the way he searched her entire face like he wanted to remember it forever, in case this was somehow temporary. She lowered the microphone just as Holdo appeared by her side to take it from her and quietly stepped aside to let them have their moment. She wanted to reassure him, to let him know that she wasn’t going anywhere for a long time, and definitely not without him.

“Ben, I…”

“I know.” 

Ben wasted no time wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in for a kiss. The entire auditorium erupted and Ben swore he heard “We did it bitches!” ring out distinctly amidst the roar of cheers and applause. He smiled against Rey’s mouth and let out a laugh of both joy and relief as he squeezed her tightly against him, nuzzling his nose against her cheek. Rey squeezed him back as she felt Ben’s lips brush against her ear. 

“So, about that date…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this fic is the [Neutral Milk Hotel live cover performance of the Phil Spector song "I love how you love me."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5RMrlfpf18)
> 
> But that's not the end of our story! Did you really think I would end this without some more dirty, dirty smut? If you read my recent twitter poll, you know what's coming!
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) and [Tumblr](https://tumblr.com/users/xinfinitegalaxiesx).


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://ibb.co/c20tJ3p)   
> 
> 
> “Ben, you truly are trying to get me permanently banned from this library aren’t you?”
> 
> “Now that’s an idea..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay heathens, the twitter poll responded overwhelmingly in favor of LIBRARY SEX! Here’s your smut, kids.
> 
> Note that tags have been updated!

**September 2020**

Rey took a sip of her lukewarm cup of coffee and set it down carefully on the worn wooden table, knowing full well that she would get in huge trouble if she spilled her contraband. She uncapped her highlighter, taking joy in the smooth yellow lines as the wide tip glided across the paper. It was quiet in the basement, and the cozy lamplight was making her feel a bit sleepy. 

It was getting late, but she still had so much studying to do, and the library would be closed in less than an hour. She dropped her marker to rub her temples and let out a long sigh. Just one more chapter and she would call it a night. 

She jumped as she suddenly felt two large, warm hands descend on her shoulders.

“Ben! You scared the fuck out of me!”

He leaned down, pulling her hair to the side and breathed in her ear. “I hope not all of it.”

She leaned back to peer up at him standing behind her, smiling despite her annoyance. He always knew exactly what to say to disarm her and, most importantly, turn her on like crazy.

He leaned down and gave her an upside down kiss, letting his hand ghost over her neck, down over her clavicle, and onto the tops of her breasts as his tongue slipped into her mouth. 

Rey clamped her hands over his. “Ben, you truly are trying to get me permanently banned from this library aren’t you?”

“Now that’s an idea,” he laughed, taking the chair next to her at the long table. “How much longer? I’d like to do some studying of my own.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“You’re such a dork,” she smiled, but she didn’t mean it at all. He looked positively delicious with his hair grown out almost to his shoulders, his smoldering brown eyes, and his absolutely jacked body. If the gym was open, chances were he was there, and Rey was not mad about it. 

Coming to Princeton was the best decision she had ever made. Transferring her credits was surprisingly easy, and her advisors and professors from Harvard all gave her glowing recommendations so she could receive a similar scholarship. She smiled at the memory of how she got her man back, thanks to the help of his mother Leia, her best friend Principal Holdo, Hux, Poe, and of course, her amazing girlfriends, Rose, Jannah, and Kaydel. It still all seemed like a dream. 

The last few months had been incredible, and neither of them could believe they had spent a whole summer together, nor that their time together wouldn’t end when the leaves started to change. On the first day of school, they had stepped onto campus hand in hand.

“A dork, huh? Is that how you want to play it missy?” His gaze turned the perfect combination of lascivious and mischievous and Rey realized immediately that no more studying would be done that evening. 

“I think I forgot to get one book—let me just go _grab_ it,” she replied with a suggestive look. Ben leaned back in his chair with a “cat that ate the canary” expression on his face. He gave her a few moments to find her “book.”

She shot him one last teasing glance over her shoulder before disappearing behind one of the stacks a few rows away. He counted to ten and then bolted out of his seat to go claim her. The basement was always empty right before closing, and he intended to take full advantage of that fact.

He found her leaning seductively against a shelf with an open book propped over her face. 

“Smelling the books again, you pervert?” 

She slowly lowered the book, and looked at him with hooded eyes. “Why Mr. Librarian sir, whatever do you mean? I’m just appreciating this fine… work of literature?” She giggled as she realized she was holding up a book entitled _The Definitive Guide to Feline Husbandry._

“Well isn’t it just typical of someone like you to be sticking your nose in a book about _pussy,_ ” he scolded with a straight face.

Rey was about to pee from laughing. He was so good at this and she could barely hold it together.

“What can I say, sir, I just love… books… so much.” She started rubbing it over her cheeks, then her breasts, before closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the shelf. “They’re just so _hard_ and _thick…_ ”

Now it was Ben who was about to lose his composure. He gently removed the book from her hand and placed it on the shelf behind her, never breaking eye contact. He meant _business_.

“Now, miss, I don’t think I have to tell you what an egregious violation this is. We take the sanctity of our beloved books very, very seriously. I certainly wouldn’t want a pretty lady like yourself getting into any big trouble. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” 

He closed in on her, placing both hands on the shelf on either side of her head, caging her in. 

“No, Mr. Librarian. Please, I’ll do _anything._ ”

“Anything?” He leaned in closer, bringing his mouth closer to her ear and then her neck. “I should have figured a book-smeller like you would say that. Don’t think that just because I’m letting you get away with it once that this can continue. That is, unless you want to make a little deal?”

“Oh yes, yes, tell me.”

“How ‘bout I show you?” His eyes turned dark and he lowered his hands to her waist. Quickly, he flipped her around. “Hands on the shelf, you dirty little book slut.” 

Rey stifled a giggle and did what she was told. “Like this?”

“Yes, good, good.” 

He wrapped his arms around her torso, reaching up to cup her breasts. He gave them a firm squeeze, relishing the fact that she was bare under her tight Princeton t-shirt. 

“I see you’re not wearing a bra tonight. I wonder what else you’re not wearing.”

Before she could answer, his hand dove into the waistband of her skirt, finding exactly what he was hoping for. He cupped her bare sex and dipped a finger down, finding her already dripping wet with arousal. _Just for him._ His other hand reached under her skirt from behind to cup her bare ass and he squeezed it roughly. Rey let out a little whimper, mindful not to make too much noise lest they draw attention from anyone upstairs.

“Well this is a nice little surprise,” he crooned into her ear as he pulled her back against his body. “So wet for me already. No panties, just walking around naked under this tight little t-shirt and this short little skirt.” 

“I don’t just come here to sniff books you know, Mr. Librarian.”

“That’s right you don’t. You come here just for me, don’t you. I bet you can’t wait for me to fuck this tight little pussy.”

“Yes sir,” she moaned, no longer laughing. 

He continued to stroke her pussy with his left hand as his right started to wander over her body. She leaned back into him while still gripping the shelves tightly. He leaned forward, drawing his tongue up the side of her neck, before sucking her earlobe into his mouth, swirling his tongue and nibbling gently. The combined sensation of him starting to rub her clit more forcefully and lavishing attention on her neck and ear started to drive her insane. She was mindful of the rapidly approaching closing time and pushed her ass assertively into his very noticeable hard-on.

“Mr. Librarian, please, I need you inside me now. The library’s going to close and I can’t leave here without feeling your big cock.”

“Oh yeah? You better get ready then. I’m going to give you my _hardcover_ right now.”

He unzipped his pants, his other hand continuing to massage her dripping wet cunt. She leaned forward, angling up her hips to give him easy access. He lifted her skirt, exposing her tight little ass, and reached in to pull his achingly hard cock out of his pants. He didn’t hesitate to notch himself into her waiting entrance, thrusting in deeply with a low groan. 

Rey whimpered through closed lips at the thrilling sensation of being filled so quickly and so roughly. They had blissfully retired condoms after Rey went on the pill, and she felt every ridge of him gliding back and forth inside of her. Nothing came between them now. Ben continued to work her clit like it was his favorite instrument and gripped her hips with his other hand so he could begin pounding into her enthusiastically. 

“Is that good you little pervert? Do you like being fucked by your librarian?”

“Oh, yes sir, I love it. Please fuck me harder, I’m so close.”

“You think you deserve to come after what you did to my precious, beautiful books?”

“Please sir, I’ll do anything, just let me come, please.” 

Rey dropped her head down and gripped the shelves tighter as she lost herself to his expert ministrations. He knew her body so well and it was only a matter of time before he took her over the edge. She savored the feeling of him drawing in and out as well as the lewd, sinful slapping sounds of their bodies. 

He knew he couldn’t hold on much longer. It was incredible enough to fuck his beautiful girlfriend under normal circumstances, but here, in public, where anyone could find them, created a heady mixture of lust and fear. He leaned down and whispered forcefully into her ear. “Come for me you dirty girl. Come on your librarian’s cock.”

Rey loved when he took control and was relieved when he finally gave her permission to let go, still not ceasing his relentless thrusting. Her orgasm crashed over her in powerful waves, taking him with her as her walls pulsed around him. He grabbed her hips forcefully with both hands, his left one still slippery with her come, and stilled, holding himself firmly inside as he filled her with his own. He thought he might get hard again almost immediately at the thought of her walking out of the library with their shared spend running down the inside of her thighs. 

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her up to standing. She lifted his muscular arms up around her chest to steady herself so she could lean back and relax against his solid form, her head lolling side to side as she came down from her high.

She smoothed her skirt back over her hips before turning around to lace her arms around his neck. He stroked his hands down her back and leaned in to give her a tender kiss on the lips, then her cheeks, and eyelids, finally stopping to rest his plush lips on her forehead. 

It was her favorite place to be kissed by him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Love seeing your comments and appreciate every single one!!!
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) and [Tumblr](https://tumblr.com/users/xinfinitegalaxiesx).

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter [@infintgalaxies ](https://twitter.com/infintgalaxies) for updates, Reylo love and general nonsense at regular intervals.
> 
> **  
> Like Modern AUs? Check out My Other Works:  
> **
> 
> **Text Fic**  
> 
> 
>   * [First Order Atelier](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26976136) (Sex Toy AU, Rated E, WIP)
> 

> 
> **Short & Smutty:**
> 
>   * [Just Like Candy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732029) (Secretary AU, Rated E, 1-shot)
>   * [Tiny House](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114534) (Real Estate AU, Rated E, 1-Shot)  
> 
>   * [Let it Burn](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25100665) (Modern Devoted Reylo, Rated E, 1-shot)
>   * [Freedom on the Breezes of the Sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521264) (Breylo on a Plane, Rated E, 2 chapters)
>   * [Joystick](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27686660) (McTavish/Gamer Rey AU, Rated E, 2 Chapters)
>   * [Carve it Into My Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27240196) (Neighbors AU, Rated E, 2 Chapters)
>   * [Join Meeting](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129709/chapters/58094572) (Werkin From Home Zoom AU, Rated E, 3 Chapters)  
>    
> 
> 

> 
> **Multi-Chapter & Smutty:**   
> 
> 
>   * [Sleep Tight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27483280) (BFF's Dad AU, Breylo with Feelings, Rated E, 4 Chapters) 
>   * [Quench](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24087505?view_full_work=true) and [Delicate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25032868) (Hiking AU, Porn with Feelings, Rated E, 5 Chapters, 1-shot sequel)  
> 
>   * [Firecracker](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852785) and [Here and Where You Are](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23940649/chapters/57573538) (High School/College AU, 2-parts, Rated M 1-shot & Rated E, 7 Chapters of Porn with Feelings)  
> 
>   * [What Comes After](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23528263/chapters/56429737) (Post-Marriage & Kids AU with Flashbacks, Rated E, 12 Chapters)  
> 
>   * [(i've had) the time of my life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25502098/chapters/61867639) (Genderbent Dirty Dancing AU, Rated E, 6 chapters)
>   * [where no one can hear](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26308699) (Abduction Play AU, Rated E, 7 Chapters)
> 

> 
> **Drabbles and Microfics:**   
> 
> 
>   * [Black Like My Soul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852044) (Coffeeshop AU Fluff)  
> 
>   * [The Best Chicken of your Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852848) (Marriage & Kids AU Domestic Fluff)  
> 
>   * [You Should See Me in a Crown](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24140158) (Wedding AU Leia/Rey Fluff)  
> 
>   * [Silk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23930233) (Modern Married Ben feeling himself, Mature & Sweet)  
> 
>   * [ReyloFicHub Microfics Collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25428094) (In case you don’t Twitter)
> 



End file.
